"A ROCKY HORROR HALLOWEEN POEM" by Joe Blevins
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'Twas the Eve of All Hallows
At Frank Furter's pad
A few weeks before
He met Janet and Brad

Frank's stockings were torn
But he just didn't care
He hoped that some young virgins
Soon would be there

Riff-Raff and Magenta
Slept in the same bed
As dreams of a takeover
Danced in their heads

With Eddie in the freezer,
And Rocky not born
Frank decided to view
Some of his "vintage" porn

Then, at his front door
He heard faint conversation
And he started to quiver
With antici...pation

To his elevator
Frank ran fast as hell 
Went down to the ground floor
To answer the bell

And there on the porch
On this October night
Was a couple from Denton
Who looked SO uptight

He dragged the young couple inside
By their arms
Then decided to use 
The old "Frank Furter" charm

Saying, "You two look lonely
And so full of fright.
Come up to my room for
Some earthly delights."

He ripped off their clothes and
Then dragged them upstairs
For an evening which he called
The Master's Affair

"Oh, screw me!  Oh, do me!
Oh, whip me and beat me!
Get down on all fours and
Then suck me and eat me!"

"Make me bark like a dog
Make me moo like a cow
Oh, gimme some, gimme some
Gimme some now!"

They sank back, exhausted
Onto Frank's queen-sized bed
After three solid hours
Of giving Frank head

Then, later Frank gave them
A tour of the house
The man said the woman
Would soon be his spouse

"A wedding!  How nice!"
Was Frank's gleeful reply
"I'm a certified priest
Maybe I can stop by."

The couple said, "Great!
But you sure do look sinister.
Are you pulling our legs,
Or are you a real minister?"

Frank was taken aback
By the doubt they had shown
So he showed them his collar
Which he kept near his throne

"All right, we believe you,"
The man said to Frank
"We just needed some proof
That this wasn't some prank."

When that bit of business
Was out of the way
Frank asked the young couple
What brought them his way

The man said, "We're too old
To be trick-or-treaters,
But we ran out of gas
In a car with no heater."

He said, "We were lucky
Finding your house tonight.
It wasn't so hard -- 
We just followed the light!"

"I'm so glad you did,"
Said Frank with a smile
"I haven't had guests here
For quite a long while."

Frank showed them the Zen Room
And opened their minds
The woman said,
"Thank you for being so kind!"

Then back to the bedroom
The three of them scurried
This time, it was gentle
Not frantic or hurried

By the time they were finished
The dawn had arrived
Frank looked at the clock,
Which said 9:45

Frank said that last night
He'd been doubly blessed
By that time, the couple had
Both gotten dressed

Frank asked them their names
As they started to go
The man said, "Ralph Hapschatt.
She's Betty Munroe."

[THE END]

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