Film Review:

        When Richard (star of TV's Crystal Chicken Maze) thought up the idea 
for the play version (The Cocky Horror Show a/k/a They came from the Denton 
Incubator, cooked on High), he was stoned.  "My brain was fried," he tells us 
in an exclusive interview, "When a famous chef, named The Swedish Chef, asked 
me how I felt about getting fried, I said Marijuana is great as long as I 
don't inhale.  He seemed confused and left me alone.  It must have been the 
power of suggestion.  Quickly I searched some open fields and found some Mary 
Jane and started eating it.  Wow, was I fried.  Then it hit me.  Why don't I 
write a play.  Or better yet - a musical - based on those classic horror films 
like Chickula, and the Kentucky Chainsaw Massacre and Psychotic - you know - 
where the girl in the shower gets pecked to death."
        After the stage version became a huge success, Bryan Hen-son 
approached him for the film version.  It sounded great to Richard.  Tim Curry 
(of Home Alone 2 - Lost in the chicken Coop) suggested his brother get the 
role and after auditioning with the theme song for "The Facts Of Life" - Tuti 
is Fruity (But The Bitch Can Sing) - Tim's brother landed the lead role.
        Casting a sibling of a famous individuals seemed to be the answer.  
For the role of the hero and heroine, Richard casted the brother and sister of 
stars Barry (Weekend at Chirpies 2) Bisquick and N. Needov Suranwrap 
(Lorenzo's Fried in Oil).  Meatloaf (Pair of Deer in a Ford's Headlights) was 
going to play a role but the actor who played Frank said he didn't eat beef.
        When originally released, the film version flopped like a chicken with 
it's head cut off.  But when released at midnight showings around the country, 
it became a cutting blockbuster.  Audience members began crowing lines to the 
screen and dressing up as their favorite characters.  (Due to sexual 
situations, it recieves an R rating, meaning chicklings under 17 are not 
permitted in the theatre - but this rule apparently is often overlooked.)  The 
film has been credited as the number one cluck film in history.  What you are 
about to read is the film's script.  Sit back, read it.  It's a story you're 
going to remember for a very long time...

"Wacky and Quacky!"
--New Cluck Times

"The characters are mixed and matched...at a very affordable price!"
--Dan Quail

"Gimme a C!"
--Sal Pecko (president of the fan club)


"Not only am I the president, I'm also a client"
--Sal Pecko, again

FILM CREDITS:

THE COCKY HORROR CHICKEN SHOW
by Richard O'Fryin'

STARRING:

Chicken Curry as
Dr. Chicken Furter (All chicken, no beef or pork)

Barry Bosschick as
Chuck "the cluck" Majors

Susan Suranwrap as
Henny Wise

Richard O'Fryin' as
Rooster-Raff

Patricia Hen as
Mahenta

Chicken Loaf as
Whoopie Goldburg as
Eddie

Little Chickling as
Crystal Lake (a fresh chicken)

Jonathon Livingston Chicken as
Dr. Who

Peter Hen-Wood as
Cocky

Charles Grey Pu Pon as
The old man in the car who just happens to be a narrator

Mike Tyson Chicken as
Chicken's Rights Fighter

and
Jerry Mathers as
The Beaver.

THE
COCKY
HORROR
CHICKEN
SHOW

BY
DONNY O'BRYAN

As the film opens, the production company (20th Century Clucks) displays their 
logo, complete with fanfare and then disolves to:  A pair of chicken beaks 
displayed in a background of darkness.  The music starts and the beak begins 
to sing.  The song (called Single Chicken, Double Rooster) is sung by a male 
rooster but the lips are obviously that of a female hen.

BEAK:
Oh my story begins in my chicken pen
pecking at an old rusted can
Col. Sanders was there with an evil stare
Holding up a frying pan
Then nothing seemed right so I put up a fight
and got caught in a Bar-B-Que jam
Then at a deadly pace he stared me in the face
and asked what kind of birdy I am.

(At this point, the beaks freeze motion and the opening credits begin [see  
cast credit page for details].  The credits end when the chorus ends.  At that 
point, the lips resume motion.)

(chorus:)
I'm a chicken
Not a rooster
Not a duck or
Not a goose or
Not a turkey -
Just a chicken
And my pecker's
Finger licken
(cluck-cluck-cluck, clu-u-u-uck)
Col. Sander's Cocky Horror Chicken Show.

I knew my friend named Darrel got thrown in a barrel
of Chicken and then sold for ten bucks
And my friend Doodle-Do, and a couple more too
they got cut up and I think that it sucks
An idea hit me - it's a way to be free
from the fate that I fear awaits me
And it really seems fowl but I'll dress as a cow
and I'll move to a better city
Like, uh...

(The beak freezes motion again, but this time it's in X-Ray-Vision.  Special 
effects artists can make the beak display a set of teeth considering Chicken's 
don't have teeth.  This effect should really bring in the money.  During the 
next chorus, the production credits begin and end on the last note of the 
song, whereas the beak resumes motion)

(chorus 2:)
New York City
or Atlantic
Where the chickens
aren't in panic
Seattle's fine but
I'm afraid that
farmers might find me
and take me back
Cluck cluck cluck, clu-u-u-uck...It's a great night
No we don't bite anymore
Just peck the floor
Cluck cluck clu-u-uck
It's a great night
For a cock-fight
Let's begin
I'm gonna win
Cluck cluck clu-u-uck
It's a great night
It feels so right
Don't you know
It's time to go
Cluck cluck clu-u-uck
Col. Sanders Cocky Horror Chicken Show.

(The Beak dissolves into the background.  As it dissolves, we slowly are able 
to see the chicken's body and it zooms back into the Sunlight of the next 
scene.  The exposed chicken - it appears - is hung on the cross displayed on 
the Henton Church Temple.  The bells ring out and the church doors open.  
Guests of the bride and groom come out first, preparing to throw rice.  
Following them are the bride and groom - Ralf and Betty Hatchet - who 
immediately get doused in pelts of rice.)

GUEST:  Okay, guys this is it!  Are you ready?  It's reception time!  There's 
plenty of food!

(The guests begin to eat the rice off the ground.  This is a mistake - they 
soon find out because the rice expanded in their stomaches and they all 
exploded!  Feathers flew everywhere like a pillow fight scene in a movie.  
When the feathers are settled on the ground, we see that the only survivers 
are a hen and rooster named Chuck and Henny.  Chuck is waving feathers from 
his face that had once belonged to a guest.  They are standing in front of the 
church.  Behind them, standing on the church's steps are the a rooster, his 
wife, and their daughter.  They work for the church.  You might say they are 
the Church's Chickens.)

(MUSIC begins)CHUCK:  Hey, Henny.

HENNY:  Yes, Chuck.

CHUCK:  I've got something you need.

HENNY:  Uh-huh.

CHUCK:  You did great.  You really pee'd when you beat the other hens to the 
chicken feed.

HENNY:  Oh...oh, Chuck.

CHUCK:  (Singing)
The farmer who raised us is skinny (Henny)
He'll sell us to make a good penny (Henny)
To leave here, it seems like a sinny (Henny)
I've got one thing to chirp and that's
Fuck it, cluck it
Cock-a-doodle-doo.


When I searched for a hen, there's not any (Henny)
There's a red thing that's under my chinny (Henny)
and my belly button's an inny (Henny)
I've got one thing to chirp and that's
Fuck it, cluck it
Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Here's a cob to prove that I'm no Crower
There's one thing that you must here me say
When it comes to cocks then I'm a grower
Ooh!  H-E-N-N-Y, let's run away!

HENNY:   (Singing)
Oh...This is a wonderful moment (Chuckie)
It's time to move on and I know it (Chuckie)
Your peckers so big and you show it (Chuckie)
I've got one thing to chirp and that's
Chuck, the cluck,
You're a goof.

HENNY:  Oh, Chuck.
CHUCK:  Oh, Henny
HENNY:  No fucks
CHUCK:  Not any?
HENNY:  Let's move.
CHUCK:  Say it's not true...BOTH:  They'll say that we flew the coop - ah 
ooh!

CHUCK: 
And then - we can fly south for the winter (Henny)
But not in Brazil cause I've been there (Henny)
Come with me and take the hinter (Henny)
There's one thing to chirp and that's
Fuck it, cluck it
Cock-a-doodle-doo

CHUCK:  We'll fly, they'll ask why
HENNY:  Oh, Chuck...let's fuck
BOTH:  Fuck it, cluck it
Cock-a-doodle-do

(The scene dissolves to the office where the narrator sits at his desk.)

NARRATOR:  I would like, if I may, to rename you Bernie.  I can't?  Hmm.  Oh 
well.  Perhaps instead, I will tell you the story about Chuck and Henny.  In 
order to run away from all the problems that face chickens everyday, they 
planned on eloping.  Their plans to fly south failed because they soon 
realized Chickens can't fly.  Swimming was out of the question so they decided 
to take it on foot.  They were going to try to run for the border (After all, 
Taco Bell's chicken menu wasn't in existance those days...that is, not until 
they eventually arrived there, but that's another story).  Anyway, along their 
journey, it started to rain and the two young chicklings decided to take 
shelter...in a very unusual place.

(THE SCENE dissolves into a rain storm scene, where we see CHUCK and HENNY 
running around in the woods, getting rained on)

HENNY:  What was that bang?

CHUCK:  Sorry, honey.  Too much Wendy's Chilli.

HENNY:  Oh, Chuck.  I'm frightened.

CHUCK:  Don't you worry about a thing.  When I told you I'd take you under my 
wing, that was a promise.  Besides I know where to go from here.  Didn't we 
pass a sign a few miles back?

(MUSIC starts)

HENNY:
In the scarey forest
Where I'm at tonight
There's a sign
That we'll try to find
And it's in brail
For the Blind

(BOTH: chorus)
There's a sign:
"Welcome To The Chicken Furt Place"
We don't mind...
...The scarey looks upon your face
There's a sign - for the blind
'cept for Chickens
and Roosters in the woods.

CHUCK:  (Singing)
I can see a duck fly
Flying in the rain
He's a game
Flying to get free
Looks like lightning hit him
So sorry...

(CHUCK and HENNY repeat the chorus)

(CHUCK and HENNY are getting closer.  They approach a gate that has a sign 
that reads "NO CHICKENS ALLOWED!!!"  Luckily for them both, they don't know 
how to read.  Farther up ahead, ROOSTER RAFF watches them from 
a window and sings:)

The duck and the frog
Tried to come here for no reason
We had frog legs
But the duck wasn't in season
They read the sign...
There for the blind.

(CHUCK and HENNY repeat the chorus and end up at the front porch of a creepy 
house as the song ends)

HENNY:  Maybe we shouldn't come here.

CHUCK:  What's the matter?  Chicken?

(CHUCK rings the doorbell and ROOSTER RAFF opens door.)

ROOSTER RAFF:  You Wang?

CHUCK:  No, I'm Chuck Majors.  I used to know a Wang in Junior High, my Gym 
techer, Mr. Wing Wang.  But that's another story.  This here's my chick.  
Henny Vise.

HENNY:  That's Wise.

CHUCK:  What's wise?

ROOSTER RAFF:  It's not very wise to stand there in the rain.  Come on in.

(CHUCK and HENNY enter the great hallway and notice a maiden chicken laying 
across the bannister of a nearby staircase.)

HENNY:  Oh, Chuck!  What kind of place is this?

CHUCK:  It's probably some kind of incubator for sick chickens.

HENNY:  (to ROOSTER RAFF) Are you having a party?

ROOSTER RAFF:  It's more like a dance.  Why don't you join us?

CHUCK:  I'm sorry, Chickens can't dance.

ROOSTER RAFF:  Come on.  Give it a try.  I'm sure you can wing it.  If not, 
our master can teach you...teach you many things!  That's why he's the master.

HENNY:  Oh, clucky him.

(Suddenly, the maiden chicken slides down the bannister to join them.  Her 
name is MAHENTA)

MAHENTA:  He's clucky, I'm clucky, you're clucky, we're all CLUCKY!  Ha ha ha!

(Suddenly, ROOSTER RAFF opens up a large bucket of chicken, only inside the 
bucket, the chicken pieces have been ate already and only the bones remain, 
resting at the bottom of the bucket.  ROOSTER RAFF begins picking through the 
bones with his finger and then quickly begins to sing to his guests:)

ROOSTER RAFF:  (singing)
It's allerting - All this chirping
While I stand in poop
And I'm so bored here

MAHENTA: (spoken)       You're a very good rooster.................

ROOSTER RAFF: (still singing)
I've got to - fly the coop!

OFFSTAGE VOICE:  "Do it!"

ROOSTER RAFF: (Shaking his tailfeather, singing)
Incubators - Losing my feathers
These things - are made for hens
But I'm a big rooster - who feels like a loser!

(Suddenly, a door opens up to reveal another room, large and decorated for a 
party.  There are many chickens and roosters dancing a new dance called the 
TIME CLUCK.  CHUCK, HENNY, MAHENTA and ROOSTER RAFF enter the room...)

PARTY GUESTS:  (Singing and dancing - they haven't realized that chickens 
can't dance) 
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

NARRARATOR:  First you find you a worm

GUESTS:  (Singing)
Toss it into your mouth...

NARRARATOR:  Then pretend you're a goose

GUESTS:  (Singing)
And then try to fly south...
Don't pretend you're a duck
They're a hunters big ga-a-a-a-a-ame
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

MAHENTA:  (singing)
I'm reliving - (ah) last Thanksgiving
My friend the turkey - she played a trick
She created a fable - as she jumped from the table
She played dead - and then ran quick

ROOSTER RAFF:  (singing)
She ran out to the pig pen

MAHENTA:  (singing)
Where she met her a new friend

ROOSTER RAFF:  (singing)
Now nothing will ever be the same

MAHENTA:  (singing)
Then the farmer said "Catch it"

ROOSTER RAFF:  (singing)
Now she's under the hatchet!!!

GUESTS:  (singing)
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

(In the center of the room was a young red-feathered rooster with a slutty 
reputation.  Her name was Crystal Lake because she was a fresh chicken.  She 
sits on top of a large egg.)

CRYSTAL:  (singing)
Well I was walking on the dirt
When I started to flirt
With a half-drunken rooster
Who was starting to burp
And then he walked right up
And took me by surprise
He had a pecker that was Super-dooper size!
He mounted me and I felt the pain
Size means everything
I want it again!

PARTY GUESTS:  (Singing) 
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

NARRARATOR:  First you find you a worm

GUESTS:  (Singing)
Toss it into your mouth...

NARRARATOR:  Then pretend you're a goose

GUESTS:  (Singing)
And then try to fly south...
Don't pretend you're a duck
They're a hunters big ga-a-a-a-a-ame
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

(Quickly, CRYSTAL hops off the large egg, feeling it crack open - an obvious 
premature incubation.  She tries to regain her posture but the leap left her 
off balance and she oddly enough began shouting numbers:)

CRYSTAL:  Oh....Oooh-ooh...2-4-6-8-10-12-14!  Don't eat our hearts, Col. 
Sanders!

(Instantly, CRYSTAL falls and puts a small dent into her beak.  She resumes 
dancing with the rest of the guests.

PARTY GUESTS:  (Singing and dancing - they haven't realized that chickens 
can't dance) 
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

NARRARATOR:  First you find you a worm

GUESTS:  (Singing)
Toss it into your mouth...

NARRARATOR:  Then pretend you're a goose

GUESTS:  (Singing)
And then try to fly south...
Don't pretend you're a duck
They're a hunters big ga-a-a-a-a-ame
Let's do the Time Cluck again!
Let's do the Time Cluck again!

(All of a sudden everyone in the room falls to the ground except for CHUCK and 
HENNY.  They look confused and nervous.)

HENNY:  Chuck, say something.

CHUCK:  Say!

(This word has caught their attention, they stand up and look at him)

CHUCK:  Why did the chicken cross the road?  He was running away from a bake 
sale!

(HENNY and CHUCK proceed to walk backwards.  Little do they know they were 
walking straight into the elevator door where the master Rooster of the 
castle,  Chicken Furter, was waiting for them.  HENNY turns to see CHICKEN 
FURTER and then screams)

CHICKEN FURTER:  (singing, with a large black blanket wrapped around him)
Cock-a-doo, I
Love to cuss, my
movie is a fucking hit
I'm just a little fowl-mouthed because
I'm the cock
Who talks like he don't give a shit
("Don't Give a shitty!")

(CHICKEN FURTER continues to sing but makes his way up to the stage in the 
back of the room, where - right before the chorus - he'll throw off his coat 
and everyone can see his attire: woman's underclothing)

Don't get pissed off
By the way I talk
Don't judge a word by your morals
I've got plenty of guts
When I'm grabbin' the nuts
from the nest I found of winter-bound squirrels!

I'm just a fowl-mouth rooster
From-a Hensexual incubator, yeah...uh-huh.

Let me teach you a wordy
You've probably heardy
You look like you're both early birdies
But if you want something perty
Well - be on allerty
My dialogue is all perty dirty.

CHUCK:  It's sad that you swear - I'll try not to care.  You're such a 
fowl caucasion rooster.
HENNY:  White.
CHUCK:  If you'll lend us your phone then we can head home...and pray to 
our god mother gooser.

FRANK:  (resuming singing)
So you don't cuss any day, well...
Fuckin' A
Well babies - don't you worry
When you "CLUCK" I'll act deaf
'less you change "C" to "F"
I'll teach you dirty words in a hurry.


(CRYSTAL joins in a quick dance with CHICKEN FURTER in the next chorus and 
then afterwards, MAHENTA and ROOSTER RAFF join his side)

I'm just a fowl-mouth rooster
From-a Hensexual incubator, yeah...uh-huh.

Why don't you - say the word "dick"
(ROOSTER RAFF: "Dick")
And I'll show you one quick
(CRYSTAL: "Quick" and then licks her bill)
I can show you my favorite - extension
I've been making a cock
Who's hard as a rock
Who'll fuck me, and oh, did I mention:

I'm just a fowl-mouth rooster
from-a Hensexual incubator, yeah...uh-huh
MOTHER FUCKER!
I'm a fowl-mouth rooster  ("Fowl-mouth rooster")
From-a Hensexual incubator, yeah...uh-huh.

Damn...
I'm in rehab...
'cause I pissed on my dad!
I see your feathers are ready for...
...plucking.
So maybe my words
Don't get any worse
But I'm a movie star (ha ha ha)
It's time for fucking!

(Suddenly, CHICKEN FURTER is upstairs via the elevator.  The GUESTS soon 
follow.  ROOSTER RAFF unexpectantly removes HENNY's dress.)

HENNY:  Chuck!

(MAHENTA is removing Chuck's shirt, tie and glasses...chickens don't wear 
pants.)

CHUCK:  It's alright, Henny.  As chickens, we do seem to be a little 
overdressed.

(The four of them enter the elevator and head upstairs where the GUESTS stand 
on a balcony watching CHICKEN FURTER who is standing near a covered cage.  
CHICKEN FURTER greets his two newcomers.)

CHICKEN FURTER:  Good evening, er...er..

CHUCK:  Chuck Majors...and this is my chick, Henny Vise.

HENNY:  That's Wise.

CHUCK:  What's wise?

CHICKEN FURTER:  It would be wise not to make corny jokes like that again.  
Tell me Chuck, did your farmer brand you anywhere?

CHUCK:  Certainly not.

CHICKEN FURTER:  Oh...how 'bout you?

HENNY:  (giggling) no, I'm too shy.  But I once told Chuck he should be daring 
and get his pecker pierced.

ROOSTER RAFF: (Interrupting)  Master, your guests are waiting.

(CHICKEN FURTER approaches the tank again and then faces a microphone, ready 
to make a speech.)

CHICKEN FURTER:  My friends...and you are...all my friends.  Tonight you are 
to witness something NOW...something WOW...something HAPPENING!  I've been 
working on a new experiement lately...and I'm proud to say that TONIGHT you 
will witness a breakthrough in chemical science!  If you want to know the 
details in how I did it, I'll see you a copy of my new book, "How to break 
your positive image".  Rooster Raff - turn the incubator on high.  Now throw 
me a clean shirt in the wash, I'm going out tomorrow.

(ROOSTER RAFF does every action that his master calls for.  Lightning flashes, 
and the room spins.  CHICKEN FURTER removes the blanket!  The guests gasp!  
The tension is high!  The whites get put in the dryer!  It's all happening so 
fast!  Suddenly, some pigeons fly over the cage, pooping inside of it.  They 
land all over the wrapped body of a chicken inside.  As quickly as it started, 
the lightning and spinning stopped!  -The whites will still take a while.  
Luckily, they seperated the whites from the yellows.  The wrapped chicken - 
named COCKY - comes to life and jumps out of the cage, as MAHENTA and CRYSTAL 
remove the wrapping)

COCKY:  (singing)
The farmer's hatchet is waiting, it's something I dread
And I got a feeling that I'm gonna be losing my head
Oh, Woh is me
That knife is a cutlery
Oh, captivity
is sounding more better than being in a stir fry.

I woke up this morning with a cluck and then 'tempted to fly
(GUESTS: "Chickens don't fly!")
And left from my dreamin' - someone screamin' for some chickens to fry
("Chickens to fry")
My mind is slow
I don't wanna be in Crisco
Oh, and all I know
Is I cut a fart - I'm a pretty dumb rooster.

("Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-CHICKS DON'T FLY")
No, they do not fly!
("No no no no, I DON'T KNOW WHY")
No, I don't know why!
("He's a bird-brain who's bound to fry - so run and hide!")

NARRARATOR:  Cocky Horror, you're a hunters game
                I want to tell you that you're half bird-brained
                You're a poultry with a cocky name
                So feeling fowl - well, that's a shame

GUESTS:  (singing)                       So who's to blame?!!

COCKY:  (Singing)
A fowl-mouth rooster is chasing me straight to his bed
(GUESTS: "He'll give you head!")
And I got a feeling he'll be fucking me 'til I am dead
("Least it's not Fred...Phelps!")
Oh, what's the harm
Being plucked by a rooster's arm
He's - from Tyson farm
And it'll be over in thirty-one seconds.

("Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch- CHICKEN EGGS")
I'm a chicken egg
("I don't wanna get ROOSTER LAID")
No, don't get me laid
("J-j-j-j-j- JUST IN CASE, I should get paid!")

("Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch, CHICKS EAT ANTS")
No, no, no, no - Yuck!
("And you know that ch-ch-chickens DON'T WEAR PANTS")
'Less they show off butt!
("'Cept the chickens that COME FROM FRANCE - they love to dance!!!!!
Cha Cha Cha!")

(The GUESTS all applaud as Cocky seems to be showing off his muscles to his 
maker, CHICKEN FURTER.)

CHICKEN FURTER:  So, tell me, Chuck and Henny.  What do you think of him?

HENNY:  Well, I don't like roosters with too big of peckers.

CHICKEN FURTER: (angry, dragging him away to a set of weights nearby)  I 
didn't make him for you!  He carries the FDA seal of approval!

(singing:)  A chickling
Weight barely one ounce
Got hatched from an egg, then pecked...on the ground
His girl was hen - who lived in his pen
Who taught him bird caws as she scratched with her claws
And as he listened, he gleemed
at her whispers (not to mention her) screams...
He learned quick...what love means
He was in love then
(GUESTS: "But he was chicken")

He was a new chicken...no turkey
So he started to sing:
"I'll love you...protect you...take you under my wing!"
What's this red thing that hangs under my chin
She said, "In just seven lays...I can make you a hen."

To impress her: his fingers - attatched to his legs
Want to - fertilize her - to father her eggs
Without reproduction - you just cannot win
She said in just seven lays...I can make you a hen."

(SUDDENLY, a loud beeping noise - believed at first to be coming from the 
microwave, but soon realized it came from the large walk-in freezer- rang out!  
Bursting out of the frozen cave on a motorbike was a rooster, dressed in a 
leather jacket.  CRYSTAL recognized him as EDDIE and shouted his name.  He 
hopped off the bike and began to sing)

EDDIE:  (singing)
Whatever happened to burgers and fries?
Kentucky Fried Chicken profits starting to rise
I love my baby and you know I never can hide it
She whispered in my ear, "Where's your ear, I can't find it"
Got on my bike and I went to her pad
To greet me at the door was a scientist lad
Who said "Give your brain to science" and then step in the freezer
It hurt really bad - but I really don't remember.

Half a brain to science, oh
Then he said I was free to go
But he opened the frigidaire
In the freezer, he locked me there.

My head use to spin from the freezing cold air
I got sorta jealous - there's a party out there
I yelled, "Somebody please, get me out of this place
There's ice crystals forming on the side of my face"
No one could hear me when I started to yell
Is it true?  I heard that chicken doesn't freeze well
I saw a button on the wall that said PUSH HERE TO OPEN
The party's going on -  OOH, 'Least I am hopin'!

What a party, what a show
Why I'm not invited - I'll never know
Who is the rooster in the baby chair
I have half a mind to say "Don't Stare"

(MUSIC goes up one octive as he hops on his motorcyle once again...)

Hot and crispy, spicey too
Looks like I'm at a Bar-B-Que
How I got here - I don't know
But I think that it's time to go!

(AS the song continues, he sings adlibs written below.  The Chicklvanians sing 
the 3 choruses previously written.  Little do they know, Chicken Furter has a 
plan of his own)

ADLIBS:

Hot and Crispy
I'm at a bar-b-que
How'd I get here?
Someone show me the fuck out now!

Who's that Doctor?
What's he thinking, I'll never know
I'd use E.S.P.
But my left side had to go.


(Chicken furter has a hatchet under his wings, ready to strike at the end of 
the song)

Cockadoodle, doodle doo
Why aren't chickens in a zoo?
There's a hatchet in is arms
And it's gonna cause me some haaaaaaaaarrrmm!!!!!!

(As previously suggested, CHICKEN-FURTER ends EDDIE's life by cutting off his 
head.  He removes his bloody gloves, drops them and strikes a pose.)

CHICKEN FURTER:  One for the bucket.

(Many Chickelvanians - if you haven't figured it out yet, they came from 
Chickleslavokia - start laughing at his joke.  But COCKY HORROR is upset.  
CHICKENFURTER comforts him.)

CHICKEN FURTER:  Oh my little Chickling!  Don't be upset.  He had a big 
pecker...but no muzzle could fit that thing.  (THEN SINGING:)

Buttered gizzards
On the fire
Some hot wings
appetizer
Makes me...OOOH....grin
Makes me wanna cut Col. Sanders at the chin
Well, in just seven lays
I can make you a hen...

I don't want chicken dumpling
Just someone good for humping

HENNY:  (Singing)
I'm a gizzard fan

CHICKEN FURTER: (Somewhat pissed, but singing)

Well in just seven days I can make you a hen
Eat it, if you can
Well in just seven days I can make you a hen...

(A curtain nearby opens up to show a quiet comfy nest where the two 
honeymooners can ...uh...well, do whatever they do, if you know what I mean.  
The wedding march plays and Chicken Furter escorts Cocky Horror to the nest.  
The guests observe that Cocky walks like a chicken with a corn cob up it's 
ass, but that's later...  For now, the curtains close as the guests leave.  
CHUCK and HENNY are each shown to a seperate bedroom.  This frightens HENNY, 
but before too long, she hears a knock at the bedroom door.)

HENNY:  Who is it?  Who's there?

(voice of) CHUCK:  It's me...you're favorite rooster.

HENNY:  Sam?

CHUCK:  Who?

HENNY:  Oh, Chuck, my darling.  Come in!

(Suddenly, as he mounts her, she pulls off his glasses to realize it was 
actually CHICKEN FURTER!  Well, it worked for Cluck Kent, didn't it?)

HENNY:  Oh, it's you!

CHICKEN FURTER:  Cockadoodle Doo, my little chickadee!

HENNY:  Why, you!  I was saving myself!  Besides, I'm a virgin.  I don't 
know what to do!

CHICKEN FURTER:  I'm sure you're not spent yet.  Why don't you breath air into 
your lungs.  It'll make your chest look bigger.  Then I'll pretend you're 
puff-n-stuff.

HENNY:  I don't get it.

CHICKEN FURTER:  You will.

HENNY:  Promise you won't tell Chuck?

CHICKEN FURTER:  Cross my heart and hope to fry.

HENNY:  Oh!!!!  Bake me, I'm yours!

(The scene quickly changes to ROOSTER RAFF and MAHENTA watching the previous 
event on a television monitor.  Suddenly, ROOSTER RAFF turns away and 
approaches COCKY HORROR who lies in bed sleeping.  ROOSTER RAFF pokes his huge 
pecker in COCKY's face and COCKY wakes up in panic.  He runs away.  ROOSTER 
RAFF and MAHENTA procceed to sniff each other's butts.  The scene changes to 
CHUCK's bedroom, where CHUCK notices what appears to be Janet walking in the 
door and joining him on the bed...)

CHUCK:  It's alright, Henny.  Everything's going to be alright.  We'll be away 
from here in the morning...

(voice of) HENNY:  But what if we oversleep?

CHUCK:  I can't explain why, but somehow I always wake up at the crack of 
dawn.

(They proceed to mount each other, swapping roles, CHUCK brings out a whip 
that was secretly placed under the bed earlier.  But things go wrong when 
CHUCK notices a red thing hanging like a sack under his partner's pecker...)

CHUCK:  You!

CHICKEN FURTER:  Oh Chuck.  From what I can see, you should have been named 
Big Bird.

CHUCK:  Why you!  I was saving myself.  Besides, I'm a virgin.  I don't know 
what to do!

CHICKEN FURTER:  Let's play a game.  Which one of us will come first: the 
chicken or the...

CHUCK:  Promise you won't tell Henny?

CHICKEN FURTER:  On my mother's egg.

(voice of) ROOSTER RAFF:  (in the distance)  Master, Cocky has escaped.  
Mahenta has just released...some bird seed.

CHICKEN:  Shit!

CHUCK:  Sorry...it's my first time.

(The scene quickly changes to show COCKY HORROR running outside the castle, 
and then back inside.  Why he ran back in we'll never know...)

(HENNY can been seen stepping into the elevator and heading up to the 
labratory.)

HENNY:  (crying)  Oh Chuck...Chuck my darling...what have they done with you?

(Inside the lab, she turns on the television.  The first thing she sees is 
shocking.  It's the republican convention, and her faithful companion CHUCK is 
a promotor.)

HENNY:  (crying)  Oh Chuck...how could you!!!!!!!?

(Behind her, a sniffle cries out.  She turns to see a large red satin sheet 
with two large chicken feet sticking out.  She removes the blanket.)

HENNY:  Cocky!  You're hurt!  Did they do this to you?  Damn them all to hell.  
Don't you worry about a thing.  I'll take care of them.  I'll show them who's 
boss!

(HENNY grabs a machine gun that lies near by and proceeds to dress in 
camoflauge.  COCKY shakes his head no, allerting her that she was taking 
things a bit too far.  She proceeds to remove her clothing...a bit too far!  
COCKY smiles.  HENNY smiles.  We, the audience smile.  Ahhhh...  Little does 
HENNY and COCKY know it, but in another room, MAHENTA and CRYSTAL are watching 
the action on a television monitor.)

MAHENTA & CRYSTAL:  Tell us about it, Henny (ha ha ha!)

JANET:  (Singing)
I was telling my friend - (just a hen)
That I'd never left the farm

CRYSTAL:  You mean she never left the--
MAHENTA:  Uh-huh...

JANET:  (Still singing)
I felt there's no use running
To another country
'Cause there's a lot of trouble in...the city.

Now all I want to know...
...is where to go...
When you want something more than farm

MAGENTA & CRYSTAL:  Farm, farm, farm!

HENNY:  (Chirping away)
But I can never tell you...
What it's like in Bellview...
I'm in a friendly land - it's way past curfew!

Plucka, plucka, plucka, pluck me
My name's Horny Henny
Take me, shake me and bake me
Creature of the farm.

And if anyone hears  (ha ha)
Never fear
I'll keep the secret, how 'bout you?

MAHENTA & CRYSTAL:  Cock...a-doodle...doo!

HENNY:  (Still chirping away)
But there's just one small catch, it...
...causes egg-sperm matching
I'll need an incubator...to aid the hatching!

Plucka, plucka, plucka, pluck me
I'm one horny birdy
Take me, shake me and bake me
Creature of the farm

(MAHENTA & CRYSTAL repeat the first chorus, mocking the two love-birds, and 
then in the heat of passion, HENNY repeats the second chorus.  When COCKY 
mounts her for fertilization, she opens her eyes and sees different charactors 
faces, each repeating the words "Creature of the farm".  HENNY smiles at 
first, thinking it was an orgy, but realizing quickly it was not so, she had 
an orgasm, cut a fart, and cried in embarrassment, "Oh..."  The scene changes 
to the elevator door opening up in the lab.  HENNY and COCKY are safely hidden 
underneith a blanket.  ROOSTER RAFF falls clumsily out of the elevator as 
CHICKEN FURTER proceeds to hit him on the head with a cowbell.  DING!  DING!  
DING!  Still, inside the elevator, CHUCK watches with a look of disbelief!)

CHICKENFURTER:  How could you let it happen!  You were to be watching!

ROOSTER RAFF:  Don't Meat Me, Baster...Ooops, I mean--

CHICKENFURTER:  Never mind what you mean.  Check the monitor and see if you 
can find him...NOW!

(ROOSTER RAFF approaches the monitor, which was already showing a group of men 
standing around yelling.  It was a republican convention.  CHUCK seemed 
nervous, but relaxed as ROOSTER RAFF changed the channel.  He chuckled a laugh 
or two as Rosie O'Duckle told a joke on her talk show.  Seeing CHICKENFURTER's 
impatience, he changed it once again to show a rooster in crutches standing 
outside the castle.  The rooster's name was DR. ROOSTERBOCKER.  His legs were 
missing, but if you let your mind wander, you can figure out why...and that's 
another story...)

ROOSTER RAFF:  Master, we have an intruder.

CHUCK:  (recognizing the rooster)  Dr. RoosterBocker!

ROOSTER RAFF:  You know this hatchling--I mean, chicken?

CHUCK:  I most certainly do.  He's an old friend of mine.  We flew in the Air 
Force.

ROOSTER RAFF:  Don't be silly, chickens can't fly.

CHUCK:  I meant in planes, but that's another story.  But sometimes I wish I 
could fly.  Like that crazy rooster years ago...what was his name?  Oh yeah, 
Charles Henberg.  He said one day, in a faraway dreamland, we'll be able to 
spread our wings and fly.  But of course, nobody believed him.  They thought 
he was crazy.  He said we would only be able to fly if we know the secret 
password...and--

CHICKENFURTER:  Enough already!  I don't care about this password.  All I care 
about is this intruder on my lawn!  You may call him Dr. RoosterBocker but I 
know who he really is!  His real name is Dr. Black-N-Pecker...

CHUCK:  Dr.  Who?

CHICKENFURTER:  Yes Chuck, Dr. Who.  You may play games but you don't fool me.  
This was all a set up, wasn't it, Chuck?

CHUCK:  I told you...my car broke down.

CHICKENFURTER:  Liar, liar, pants on fire.  Dr. Who is not entirely unknown to 
me.  He was a regular actor on the hit series WINGS, and then he went on to 
become a famous scientist.  A scientist on a mission!  (CHICKEN FURTER begins 
nudging CHUCK with the cowbell until he falls down on the floor)  Dr. Who was 
on a mission to discover the secret ingredients, isn't that right, Chuck!  He 
worked for a company for that which you call K- F- C!!!!  Isn't that so, 
Chuck!!!!!

CHUCK:  (Falling)  I don't know!!!!

ROOSTER RAFF:  The intruder has entered the building, Master.

CHICKENFURTER:  He'll probably be in........the Hen Room.

(The scene changes to show DR. WHO inside a room full of prostitute hens.  A 
piano player played in the corner.  The scene changes back to the lab)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Hitting a button to allow his voice to filter throughout the 
castle through hanging speakers)  Dr. Who!  Come on Down!

(CHICKENFURTER pulls a lever and suddenly DR. WHO's crutches work like magic 
and walk him up the stairs...up more stairs....up more stairs....up more 
stairs...up more stairs...up more stairs...up more stairs....up--Well, you get 
the point.  Suddenly he crashed through a wall and emerged in the lab, at the 
top of the catwalk balcony.)

CHUCK:  (Standing up and calling him)  You-Who!!!!

(DR. WHO quickly falls off the balcony to the floor below him.  Stars circle 
his head.  His crutches lay by his side.)

DR. WHO:  I've got to learn how to fly.  (He gets his crutches in place and 
goes to the group of chickens standing nearby.)  (DR. WHO recognizes one of 
them)  Chicken Furter, we meet at last.  What's up dude?

CHUCK:  (offering his wing to shake and bake)  Dr. Who!

DR. WHO:  Chuck, what are you doing here?

CHICKENFURTER:  Don't play games, Dr. Who.  The real question is why are you 
here?

DR. WHO:  I came here to find my nephew, Eddie.

CHICKENFURTER:  (Nervous)  Was he about so tall, wore a jacket, rode a bike, 
kind of stupid?

DR. WHO:  Yes.

CHICKENFURTER:  Never seen him.

(Suddenly, HENNY farts again)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Approaching the nearby blanket)  What the fuck was that?  
(CHICKENFURTER rips off the blanket to reveal COCKY and HENNY.  HENNY has a 
few gold feathers sticking out of her butt.)

CHUCK:  Henny!
HENNY:  Chuck!
DR. WHO:  Henny!
HENNY: Dr. Who!
CHICKENFURTER:  Cocky!
COCKY:  I never did get your name...

CHICKENFURTER: (Angry)  Listen to me, Cocky.  When I made you, you were 
nothing but Chicken Dumb.  I made you!  And I can Bake you just as easily!

MAHENTA:  (entering the room, rings another cowbell)  Master, chow's on!

CHICKEN:  Excellent.  And, uh...do to the circumsisms....formal dress is not 
required.

(10 minutes later, CHUCK is in his bedroom, sadly singing a song he originally 
called "Once In A While" but later changed it "Once, Maybe Twice".)

CHUCK:  (Singing)
Once, maybe twice
She don't wanna caw you
Squeeking like she just don't know (you)
And once, maybe twice
She'll act like a crow who
Picked up something
Perhaps someone you thought was Joe...

So baby don't fly...like an angry sparrow
I'm speaking from experience
Life's road is too long...and way too narrow
You hear something
About someone who's head is gone.

And there is no time...for mistakes
Life is short, so let's make mends
So let's make the sound...that a love bird makes
Cause in the end
Your best friend might lose his head!

(The scene changes to a dinner scene.  The entire group is gathered around the 
table eating what looks like a very paculiar food...something oddly 
familiar....)

HENNY:  What are we eating?

DR. WHO:  Never mind that, we came here to discuss Eddie.

CRYSTAL:  (joyful)  Eddie?!!!!

CHICKENFURTER:  Shut up, Bitch.  Dr. Who, that's a rather tasty subject...or 
should I say tender roast?  And Henny, this food is a secret recipe.  But 
isn't it amazing how it tastes like chicken?

(Suddenly everyone is ill, realizing they just became cannibals.  CRYSTAL 
decides to throw up in the hall and exits...)

CHICKENFURTER:  Before you start making accusations, Dr. Who.  Keep in mind 
I've been blackmailing you for years.  As a matter of fact, I was just about 
to send you a letter, and you a letter, and you a letter, and--

CHUCK:  Just what exactly are you implying?!!

DR. WHO:  It's alright, Chuck.

CHICKENFURTER:  No, go on, Dr. Who...or should I say, "Dr. BOO-Who!"

(Suddenly the door opens to the diningroom and MAHENTA enters playing an 
accordian)

DR. WHO:  (Singing)
>From the day he was laid...
...he was stupid
He never got paid...
Never had a job
He gave his brain...

NARRARATOR:  But he doesn't recall if there was pain

DR. WHO: (Singing)
He left the farm to be a slob

(Music picks up)
>From the day he left town
He retired:
The "cockadoodle" and the "doodle doo"
He played hide-n-seek

NARRARATOR:  Though at 5 and 6 he started to peek...

DR. WHO: (Singing)
Making everyone run and hide!

EVERYBODY AT TABLE: (singing the Chorus:)
One day he said he wouldn't play things fairly
Then ya knew he was a real bad loser
But when he threatened to go unless we played by his rules

CHICKENFURTER:  What a friend...
HENNY:  What a hen...I mean Rooster.

CRYSTAL:  (crying in her bedroom)
Everybody feared him
They said, "Hey just let him win"
I said, "Hey listen to me...don't play with them, just play with me"
Now he wants to play the game Monopoly!

DR. WHO:  (singing)
But he must have been spoiled...as a chickling
Making him cry...if he didn't win

(Voice of Eddie:)  "I'm out of the game?"......"You liar!  Yeah, that is 
your name!"

DR. WHO:  (Singing) 
He cheats at Rummy, Poker, Bridge and Gin!

EVERYBODY AT TABLE: (singing the Chorus:)
One day he said he wouldn't play things fairly
Then ya knew he was a real bad loser
But when he threatened to go unless we played by his rules

CHICKENFURTER:  What a friend...
HENNY:  What a hen...I mean Rooster.

EVERYBODY AT TABLE: (singing the Chorus:)
One day he said he wouldn't play things fairly
Then ya knew he was a real bad loser
But when he threatened to go unless we played by his rules

CHICKENFURTER:  What a friend...(Till the end)
HENNY:  What a hen...(Come again?)...I mean Rooster...(Rooster!)

(Suddenly in a fit of anger, CHICKENFURTER removes the table top to reveal a 
ping pong table!!!!  Under the table was a dead body...that of EDDIE!!!  HENNY 
burps and then screams.  COCKY puts his arm around her in comfort.  Suddenly 
DR. WHO touches CHICKENFURTER with his forefinger and says: "You're it!"  
Although this was not an appropriate time for the game of tag, it was fitting 
to play it anyway...by EDDIE's rules.  Pissed off, CHICKENFURTER starts to 
chase after HENNY, up the stairs.  CHUCK grabs DR. WHO and they follow after 
them.  MAGENTA - who is still playing the accordian is laughing...until her 
finger got stuck in the accordian and she started to cry.  COCKY just stood 
there, bored...he didn't know the rules of the game.  The music starts:)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Singing)
I'll yell at you once...maybe twice
You need to listen...Henny Wise
Your alibi is full of lies
You need to listen...Henny Wise

I fed you seed, all the seed you need
I'm the asshole in a castle
Pissed off like an unpaid hooker
When you got here did you think you'd leave?

(CHICKEN FURTER chases HENNY into the laboratory.  Everyone else in the castle 
enter soonafter.  MAHENTA stays near a switch on the wall...)

I'll yell at you once...maybe twice
Because you fucked up, Henny Wise
My incubator...gonna bake ya!

(Suddenly, CHICKENFURTER pulls on a switch, making the room glow for a second.  
When the room adjusted, HENNY, CHUCK, and DR. WHO found themselves stuck to 
the floor.)

HENNY:  My fingers!  I can't move my fingers!

DR. WHO:  My wings!  My god, I can't move my wings!

CHUCK:  It's as if we're stewed in a pot!

CHICKENFURTER:  You are so quick to learn - you tiny fowls!

HENNY:  Oh, we're stuck!

CHICKENFURTER:  (Singing:)
It's something you'll get used to
A mental cluck-fuck can be nice

HENNY:  Oh!

DR.  WHO:  You won't find us chickens quite the easy birds you imagined.  This 
incubator of yours.  It is, I suppose, some kind of cockadoodle cockamainy 
concockshun that you've created...capable of cooking us extra crispy...so you 
can sell us to the best buyer?

CHUCK:  You mean?

DR. WHO:  Yes, Chuck.  KFC will pay him big bucks!

HENNY:  You mean, he wants to make some money?

CHICKENFURTER: (Singing)
Money!
Honey!
I mean, Henny!

I'll yell at you once...maybe twice
You better listen...'cause I'm dissin'
You act so innocent...

NARRARATOR:  But then she shouted...

HENNY:  Fuck!!!!!!!

CHICKENFURTER: (singing again)
Don't think you're a saint, bird
I heard you say a cuss word

CHUCK:  (Singing)
You're a fowl-mouth
But you'd better not try to convert her...Chicken Furter

(MAHENTA pulls the switch that freezes CHUCK and turns him to a Jello mold)

DR. WHO: (Singing)
You're a fowl-mouth
But you'd better not be curt with her...Chicken Furter

(MAHENTA pulls the switch that freezes DR. WHO and turns him to a Jello mold)

HENNY:  (Singing)
Mother Fucker!

(MAHENTA pulls the switch that freezes HENNY and turns her to a Jello mold)

CRYSTAL:  (Standing at the top of the lab's balcony, slowly making her way to 
where CHICKENFURTER stands on the lab's floor.  She is bitching the entire 
way)  My God!  I can't stand any more of this shit!  First you leave me for 
Eddie.  Then, you toss him out like chicken wing at a He-man's dinner feast!  
I loved you.  Listen to me!  I said I loved you!  But what did it get me?  I 
got knocked up!  Yeah, that's right, 35 little chicklings, hiding in the 
basement!  But you go ahead, Peckerhead!  Play with your creation!  Play with 
your Cocky!  So named for the size of his--

(But CRYSTAL never got to finish that statement.  MAHENTA quickly pulled the 
switch on her and she, too, turned to a jello mold.  MAHENTA did the same 
thing to COCKY)

CHICKENFURTER:  I'm feeling a bit fowl.  Even smiling makes my pecker ache.  
(turning to ROOSTERRAFF and MAHENTA before exiting in the elevator)   Come, we 
are ready for the peep show.

(The scene changes to a large stage.  When the curtain opens, we see the jello 
molds of CRYSTAL, COCKY, CHUCK, and HENNY.  This time, however, they're 
dressed in women's underclothes that CHICKENFURTER had ordered out of a 
Fredcluck of Hennywood catalogue.  The music starts, and one by one, they come 
back to life, singing and dancing)

CRYSTAL:  (Singing)
It was great when the film began
From the farm, the two chickens ran
To escape the waiting frying pan
of the farmer with a masterplan
Now it seems as if they have no hope
'Cause they've come to the end of their rope
They won't say a word that starts "F" and then ends with a "K"

COCKY:  (Singing)
I was hatched 7 hours ago
Somehow all of my feathers are gold
Why I'm here, I will never know
Cocka Doodle Doo is on my toes
Now the only hen I've come to trust
Is the chicken who will never cuss
She won't say a word that starts "F" and then ends with a "K"

CHUCK:  (Singing)
This conversing..full of cursing
Isn't good for me...'cause they sound so dirty
Fuck, dick, pussy
Ow! wet and juicy
These words are set free
Whew!  Here they come again!

HENNY:  (Singing)
Woh oh oh oh
What's this in me?
Set these words free!
Mm-hmm, Increase my vocabulary
Cuss words are not scarey
I could get use to it...saying words like "piss" and "shit"
"Piece of ass" and "Wanna hand job?"
"Piss off" and "Kiss my rear!"

(Suddenly, the curtain opens to reveal a great big chopping block with 
CHICKENFURTER standing on top of it.  The background reveals a large billboard 
- possibly stolen from a roadside - that reads: KFC Restaraunt.  In front of 
him is a large swimming pool.  I guess, nobody has even realized that Chicken 
can't swim...)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Singing)
Whatever happens to bad eggs?
So delicate after they're laid...
"Chicken Dumb" was inside
Never wanted, never fried
Yet I wanted his love just the same...

Cocky was born here with golden-laid feathers
He was a bird-brain but he was my man
He'll keep his head high
Erect, and together
We'll live like lovebirds together, forever
Cocky Horror...Chicken Show!!!!
(Oh!)

(CHICKENFURTER jumps into the pool.  Shortly after everybody else jumps in 
too.  Well, what do you know?  Chickens can swim!)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Singing)
Don't eat us...just feed us
You don't need us...so leave us
Don't eat us...we're fetus
Don't greet us...it's tedious

ALL:  (Singing)
I'm fatter...than hendenburg
My butt hurts...from cuss words
I once heard...that Big Bird
Got splattered...it's absurd!

(As they repeat this odd chorus, they swim in the water.  They proceed to peck 
their beaks into each others feathers, possible looking for insects to eat - 
who knows.  Outside of the pool, at the stage's side, is DR. WHO, who suddenly 
comes alive.  Soon he'll discover that he, too, is dressed in women's 
underclothing)

DR. WHO:  We've got to get the cluck out of this place...before this duck-
dance hurts my bill...we've got to continue, not part of the menu...or else my 
neck might snap!...and my life would be lived: For the kill!

CHUCK:  (Singing)
No cohersing - Look!  I'm cursing!

HENNY:  (Singing)
Goddamn! This water is cold!

(CHICKENFURTER hops out of the cold water and onto the stage.  The others soon 
follow, and DR. WHO quickly joins them as they sing.)

CHICKENFURTER: (Singing)
Why why why
W-w- Why why why
Why why why don't chickens fly?

We're the only chickens who can sing
What's the use of our fucking wings?
Mother Hen taught us many things
But she couldn't teach us everything
So we spread our wings and try to fly
But we fall to the ground and we don't know why?
Wing's just a word that starts "W" and ends with a "G"

ALL:  (Singing)
We're hopin' there's a magic crop
That'll give us power to take off
And we're proud that we're not in pig slop
And not part of Chicken Stogenoff
But that's a dream and it's not true
'Cause if it were - we'd fly the air - and poop on you
Poop is a word that begins and then ends with "P"

(As the music continues to play, the 6 of them do a line dance on the stage 
called the "Macarena".)

ALL:  (Singing)
We're getting near the end of the song
Never fear because it won't take long
Try to learn our words but you'll be wrong
You think "pecker" is a word for shlong
Now get ready and don't close your eyes
'Cause the script - it says there's gonna be a big surprise
Look to the door - see a maid and a bald-headed chicken.

ROOSTER-RAFF:  (singing, as he bursts through the door with his sister MAHENTA 
at his side)
Chicken Furter
Don't sing any further
Your lyrics getting stupid
Your cussings getting old
I'm the new head rooster
Step down - you're the loser
Now I'll put you in a frying pan
Prepare the wessing oil

(MAHENTA starts to exit, but quickly stops)

CHICKENFURTER:  Wait just a clucking minute!  I can explain!

(Music starts.  Everyone takes designated places at CHICKENFURTERS request.  
He composes himself and then starts singing)

CHICKENFURTER:  (Singing)
On the day that I was laid (Oh my, why?)
All the other chickens ran away (I wonder why?)
I want to eat some eggs and steak (Now I sigh)
Smiled and then I cussed each day

Now I've seen - oh! - The errors
In my words - to the birds
Now I realize:
I sounded stoned
(He sounded stoned)

Anywhere...I didn't care (he has no class)
Stamped on the outside...of my dairy-air (stamped on his ass)
"Free for anyone to share" (just don't pass gas)
Cursed with Sonny, cursed with Cher...

Now I've seen - How! - Wrong I was
Forgive me - now it seems
that I've realized:
I sounded stoned
(He sounded stoned)
I sounded stoned
(He sounded stoned)
I sounded stoned
(He sounded stoned)
So fucking stoned!

CHICKENFURTER:  Sorry, I didn't mean to say that last part.  So what did 
you think of my song?

MAHENTA:  How hentamental.

ROOSTERRAFF:  Yes, or should I say chicken-mental.  But I'm afraid you 
must die.  Does this lazor I hold scare you?

(CHICKENFURTER was so frightened, that he shat on the floor behind him.  He 
stepped backwards, and then stepped right in it!  He looked down at the mess, 
and then back at the lazor pointed at him)

MAHENTA:  What's the matter?  Chicken shit?

ROOSTERRAFF:  Why yes it is.  But it doesn't matter does it?  Not after I kill 
him!

DR. WHO:  Good heavens to betsy!  That IS a lazor!

ROOSTERRAFF:  Yes, Dr. Who, a lazor capable of immiting a beam of pure frying 
batter.

CHUCK:  You mean...you're gonna kill him?

ROOSTERRAFF:  Yes, I am.  And no, I'm not mean.  Chickenfurter, say goodbye to 
all of this...and hello to shake and bake!

(Suddenly, CRYSTAL screams, and ROOSTERRAFF kills her with the lazor.  
CHICKENFURTER gets killed next, and the COCKY, who suddenly has a change of 
heart and likes his creater, carries his dead body up the KFC billboard.  
ROOSTERRAFF starts shooting at him, but COCKY turns around and flips him the 
bird.  But it was too late.  COCKY dies and they both fall into the swimming 
pool.)

ROOSTERRAFF:  You three should leave now.  Go! Chicken! Go!

(Taking the hent - I mean, hint - they went)

ROOSTERRAFF:  Now our mission is almost complete, my beautiful chickling.  And 
soon we will be returning to our beloved planet, Hensexual.  First we'll find 
us a worm...  And toss it into our mouth...  Then pretend you're a duck!

(FLASHBACK: "They're a hunters big ga-a-a-a-ame!")

MAHENTA:  And our world will do the time cluck again!

(The castle/spaceship/chickencoop takes off, high into the air, leaving CHUCK, 
HENNY, and DR. WHO in the crator on earth where it had once set.  Music starts 
and CHUCK begins to sing)

CHUCK:  (singing)
I've done a lot - God knows I'm sorry
I've tried some booze - I want to party
But now I know -  that back at home
There's a "hen for me"

HENNY: (Singing)
And super rooster - poops on me
And pooper scoopers - won't get me clean
But now I know - that back at home
There's a "cock for me"

(As the 3 chickens crawl around in the dirt, as most chickens do,  we hear 
voices of phantom chickens: "Caw......caw......" over and over.  It seems as 
though the world is turning as the camera switches to the next scene.)

(NEXT SCENE:  The narrarator's office.  The old man is spinning the world.  As 
it spins, he looks at the camera.)

NARRARATOR:  And crowing...in the morning sun...some rooster...named 
Rooster Dumb...half a mind...but in it's place...was bird-seed.

PHANTOM VOICES:  (Singing)
Bird-seed.

(The NARRARATOR picks up a book and tucks it carefully under his arm.  He 
quickly leaves the room, turning the light off behind him.  The room is 
dark...the scene ENDS.)

(END CREDITS ROLL - see "end credits" - as each charactor's face appears on 
the screen.  MUSIC plays in the background: a reprise of the first song:)

I'm a chicken
Not a rooster
Not a turkey
Not a gooser
See chickens flying
In the pasture
Only in dreamland
With a password
Clu-clu-clu-cluck, clu-u-uck
At the late night Cocky Horror Chicken Show
I'm such a ho
Cluck cluck, clu-u-uck
To the late night Cocky Horror Chicken Show.


THE END


END CREDITS:

Key Grip
Rooster Cockburn

Turk Key Grip
H.R. Puffing Stuffing

Dolly Grip
L. O. Dolly

Best Boy
The checkout boy at your favorite CD shop

Best Buy
Your favorite CD shop

Lighting
Too man chickens to name.
Think about it: Do you know how many chickens it takes to screw in a 
light-bulb?
Get real!

Stunt Chickens
Mel Giblets


All charactors are ficticious.  Any resemblance to real chickens or places are 
entirely coincidental.


No human was harmed in the making of this motion picture.


The movie's over now...you can go home.


Don't know how to get there?  I'll give you directions.


Take the last train to Clucksville.


A FINAL NOTE FROM RICHARD O'FRYIN':

        Hello, my little Chicadees!  I hope you have enjoyed my film.  If you 
like it, you'll love my sequeal.  It's time for me take make a little plug for 
it so you'll be ready when it bombs in the theatres and goes directly to 
video!  It's called:

CLUCK TREATMENT

featuring the hit songs:

Chicken Overture
Hentown U.S.A.
Churpin' and a burpin'
Lay my own egg
Thank God I'm a Rooster
Rooster's Song
Wanna Fly Lullaby
Little Black Egg
Hen of all Hens
Cluck Treatment
Looking for Eggs
Chicken Blanch
Look what is hid' 'neith my chin
Breaking out of my shell
Cock Fight
Henny, OW!   Henny, OW!

"Trust Me...I'm A Rooster"

(Coming soon to incubators near you)

******************************************************************************

A REAL note, from Donny O'Bryan, creator of this satire:

        Just wanna make sure it's all legal here, and I can't be sued.  Cocky 
Horror is a SATIRE of Rocky Horror.  It is all done in fun.  My satire is 
mailed to me for copyright purposes, so nobody can take the credit for it but 
me.  It is for pure enjoyment and no money is made from it.  There.  I think 
that's all the technical stuff I am suppose to say.  Whew!  It was long and 
tough to finish it but I am very proud of it!  I hope you are too!  
Previously, I made a sequal (not a satire) to Rocky Horror called "Frankie 
Comes Again".  I am beginning to type it at this time (Oct. 1996) onto the 
computer (before it was typewritten).  Feel free to send your comments to me 
at this e-mail address, attention: 
Donny. 
kcmoeditor@aol.com 

*****