...submitted by Ruth J Fink-Winter...

Here's an old bit from the 'zine "Inside Insanity" (available from Sal for 
about $2.50).  This issue includes reviews of Fearless (Tim Curry) and Fever 
(Little Nell) and has one of those wonderful frustrating sets of ads full of 
stuff you'll never find now for really, really cheap (like the Mexican album 
for $15--sigh).

Bending the Minutes (Conehead Time Warp)
by Gillian Garr (reprinted without permission)

Beldar's verse:
It is a matter of great surprise
The minutes are proceeding at an accelerated pace
Insanity is withdrawing its dues
But harken to my articulations strongly
Only for a shortened moment more
I must exercise my authority
I am bending the minutes
Consuming that space of time hereupon
The dark cloak of night would envelop me
and the vacuum would be beckoning
We shall proceed to bend the minutes a second time
We shall proceed to bend the minutes a second time
It is merely a leap in the left direction
Then a moving of your foot in the opposite way
Place your excess members on the sides of your lower abdomen
Pull your leg-bending facilities in extreme juxtaposition
However it is the excited drivings of your pelvic region
That without a doubt carry you off to madness
We shall proceed etc.

Prymhat's verse:
It is a visionary feeling to the extreme
Oh erotic illusions loosen my self
So you can not perceive my person
Not even the slightest way
In another concept of living existence
With plannings of scopophiliac actions
Hidden from all
I visually perceive everything
Utilizing a small portion of brain turning
You will be thrown into a state where the moments pass by quickly
None that you have experienced can again be perceived in the same way
You are increasingly aware of their experience gathered by your sensory
units
Similar to being in a drug-induced state of euphoria
We shall proceed etc.

Connie's verse:
I was merely proceeding down the roadway engrossed in my mental
processes
When a reptilian form of a male bestowed upon me an elongated blink
He did startle me, taking me off my guard
He was in a vehicle used for transportation of large objects,
	and his visual perceiving units were those of an anti-christ
He placed his visual perceiving units firmly upon me and I felt strange
sensations
The minutes amounted to the equivalent of zero and would never attain
their previous meanings

During Connie's tap dance:

twice 1, twice 2, twice 3, twice 4, twice 5, twice 6, twice 7
consume upon your heart-pumping vessel, Ann Miller.